Life's Illusions

Often, what people observe or believe to be true is not what is happening at all. Perception can be a faulty gauge. Years ago, for example, my friend Mary Lou and I were shopping in a department store. As the saleswoman wrapped our purchases, she proceeded to share the frustrations of her day. She then remarked, “But you two ladies couldn’t possibly understand problems like mine!”

Glancing at one another, we smiled and

assured her that, indeed, we could relate. What that saleswoman couldn’t know was that just two weeks earlier, Mary Lou’s husband had died suddenly of a massive heart attack. At age 48, he collapsed while on a golf course, leaving behind his wife of 25 years and 4 children. Although my newly-widowed friend portrayed an outward calm, inwardly she was deeply distressed and grieving.

Everyone has a story, its implications sometimes hidden behind a cheerful façade or in other cases smoldering beneath an impatient, resentful demeanor. It’s a two-sided dilemma. On one side, we must know how to deal with life’s tragedies without betraying our personal pain to an indifferent world. On the opposite side, we must be aware of the suffering, often imperceptible, in the lives of those we encounter.

Find a Strategy

What’s a woman in leadership to do? If she reaches out to help carry the pain and suffering of others, the heavy weight of her own problems may leave her feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Issues such as loneliness and depression, conflicts within her organization or church, and marital or family problems may leave her feeling vulnerable with little control over what is happening.

Are there answers? Any hope? Yes! First, we turn to God, just as my friend Mary Lou did, for through His Word, He offers us assurance in times of distress. At the beginning of her heartbreaking journey as a young widow, the constant companions of grief and sorrow followed her everywhere. In later years, she remembered “the ugly, ugly pain.” Yet, in the midst of that heartache, I watched my friend look to Christ, trusting her Lord to forge a new path forward for her and her children.

In the same way, we can go to God with our pain, frustrations, and disappointments. The Psalmist instructs us, “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God” (Psalm 42:5).

God is the One we lean into in all the difficulties and turmoil of life. He is the “Man of sorrows, acquainted with grief . . . surely He has born our grief and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:3,4). He hears and answers our prayers.

Adjust Your Perspective

Second, when the invitation to an emotional pity party is refused, we can adjust our perspective. Our blinders of discouragement must not shade us from the fact that others near us endure pain and defeat as well. Remembering that we are on similar life paths can deepen our sympathies and energize our empathies, knowing that others may suffer far more than we do.

While we cannot solve the problems or cure the ailments of those in our sphere, we can offer care, concern, and support. After all, many of us want reassurance that we are not alone in our struggles. That awareness, along with our faith and trust in God, can give us glimmers of hope in dark times. As Paul reminded the Corinthians, “Blessed be . . . the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any afflictions with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Seek a Mentor

Third, we can also search out mentors who have endured hard times and survived. Those women can be examples of the kinds of strength, wisdom, and faith we need to succeed and persevere. Their stories, related transparently, detailing experiences of failure and triumph, can inspire those of us on the road of leadership to stay the course by following Jesus with hope and courage. More experienced individuals can encourage younger ones: “We urge you, brethren. . . encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone . . . seek after that which is good for one another and for all people” (1 Thessalonians 5:14-15).

Such individuals inspire us to seek the Lord at all times. Although God works in ways we cannot see, we trust, obey, and look to Him—the One who sustains us, uplifts us, and supplies our every need by “Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

I invite you to join me on a journey of discovery and encouragement that will inspire, refresh and encourage you wherever you are on your journey. Also, I delve more deeply into this problem and its solutions in my new book, The Private Side of Leadership.