The Holes in Your Heart

He was just a child—his whole life before him.

How will her husband and children live without her?

A terrible accident! How could this happen?

Have you ever gathered with family and friends at the gravesite of someone you dearly loved, remembering together the pain and grief of parting, the enormous feeling of loss, the knowledge that life will never be the same? One friend described the sudden death of her sister as learning to live with a hole in her heart. That sentiment—living with a hole in your heart—describes the scene described in John 11.

Heavy Hearts Ask, Why?

A beloved brother Lazarus had died, and his sister Martha responded, ‘“Lord, . . . if

You had been here, my brother would not have died’” (John 11:21). In her pain and sorrow, Martha could not understand why Jesus had delayed His arrival when her brother lay dying. Still, however, she trusted in His power, love, and friendship. Moments later, her weeping sister Mary bowed at Jesus’ feet, expressing similar confusion and sorrow. Such grieving moved Jesus’ compassionate heart; He wept with them at the tomb even though He would soon raise Lazarus from the dead.

Sometimes, like Lazarus, we get a reprieve from death. Our loved one or friend experiences a sudden recovery or deliverance. Other times, however, we lose that individual and await an eternal reunion. For example, John the Baptist’s life ended abruptly. From his youth, he had preached of the coming Messiah, but his preaching resulted in his arrest. His whole life had been a preparation for ministry. For God chose John to “prepare the way of the Lord,” (Mark 1:3). Yet he also understood that at Messiah’s appearing, his own role would diminish: “He must increase but I must decrease” (John 3:30). During his imprisonment, King Herod ordered John’s execution. Unlike Lazarus, God did not spare him.

Right now, my own heart is heavy because my dear friend Melanie, at age 62, recently lost her battle with cancer. The sorrow of her beloved husband, children, and grandchildren remains immeasurable. Although Melanie now abides with her Lord, we left-behind ones grieve the loss of her presence, love, and friendship. We think, she still had so much to live for; she had such a wonderful ministry. Then we ask, “Why, Lord?”

Perhaps in your life, too, God has allowed grief to invade, tearing holes in your life, wounding your heart. We often do not understand God’s plan, yet we are called to trust Him and His goodness. However, we continue to grieve the terrible losses, recognizing the effects of the Fall upon our lives. As Romans 8:23 explains, “[W]e also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.”

The loneliness of life’s sorrows, its heavy burdens, the loss of loved ones, all these difficulties make us long for a better existence, for God’s sinless world. How do we make sense of death’s pain? Are these losses merely random accidents or inevitable illnesses or acts of evil?

The Divine Ruler

To give us insight, scripture contains the testimony of Job, who endured unimaginable suffering. Satan severely tested Job—all with God’s permission. He lost his children, his livelihood, his health and his family and friends’ support (Job 1 and 19:13-14). Amazingly, “in all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (Job 1:22). He recognized God’s sovereignty: “The Lord has established His throne in heaven, / And His kingdom rules over all (Psalm 103:19). Since the entire universe is subject to the Lord, our lives are securely in His hands.

Just think of it: God knows all, even our birth days and our death days: “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16). No accident or evil or illness can overrule Him. Our challenge is grappling with the profound anguish and sorrow that God’s will and plan often allow while honoring Him with our trust and obedience.

Our Endless Fears: His Divine Love

Let’s face it, life brings events that scare us: a cancer diagnosis, war, economic hardship, lost relationships, divorce, death—our “fears list” is endless. However, though others enact evil against us, God never acts with unkindness or indifference toward His children. In fact, He promises to turn “all things together for good” (Romans 8:28). In the Old Testament, years after wicked siblings sold their younger brother Joseph into slavery, Joseph assured them, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). In difficult circumstances, we do not understand God's thoughts or ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), but we can always trust His heart. After all, God gave His only Son to die for our sins. What greater proof of love do we need?

The Comfort He Provides

During stressful experiences, our earthly comforters are those who have faced similar circumstances. Having already walked tragedy’s fearful road, they offer us guidance, wisdom, and strength on our painful journeys. Besides our earthly comforters, God Himself gives assurance that we are never alone, never without Him, even in terrifying circumstances. When we walk through dark valleys, even ones leading to death, our Good Shepherd guides His sheep all the way home (Psalm 23).

Death and the grave could not hold Him, for He conquered both. Death bows at His knee and submits to God’s sovereignty. Consequently, Jesus, our Savior and Friend, who faced death willingly on the Cross to pay for our sins, is our ultimate guide as we face eternity.

He Holds the Keys

The only bedside death I have witnessed was that of my mother. For years, I dreaded and feared losing her. I could not imagine life without my mom. Yet when the Lord, in all His splendor, escorted her home, the amazing peace of His presence filled the hospital room. Knowing Jesus had personally accompanied Mom to her eternal dwelling place with Him comforted me. When I remember that moment, it still fills me with wonder, joy, and gratitude. Believers have nothing to dread in His holy Presence: “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, / And whose hope is the LORD” (Jeremiah 17:7).

Nothing can touch us that does not first pass through His hand, for God alone holds the keys to life and death (Revelation 1:18). On the day of our death, Jesus will guide us “through gates of splendor”[i] into the eternal home He has gone before us to prepare (John 14:2-3). We will abide with Him forevermore because Jesus is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25-26) and because He lives, we shall also live. Psalm 16:11 assures us, “You will show me the path of life; / In Your presence is fullness of joy; / At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

The apostle Paul comforts us, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 1:18). So when this corruptible puts on incorruption, when this mortal puts on immortality, then Death shall be “swallowed up in victory” (I Corinthians 15:54).

Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus!

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[i] Elisabeth Elliot, after her young husband Jim was killed by the Auca Indians, wrote that Jim had walked “through gates of splendor” to be with the Lord forevermore.