Forgiveness, the Path of Mercy

The following post contains excerpts from a chapter in my new book, The Private Side of Leadership.

How do we cope when betrayal derails our lives? Is it possible to live peaceably when we find ourselves abandoned by those we trusted or financially destroyed by former partners or colleagues?

Laurie clearly remembers the time when her husband Jim entered their home with shocking news: “Well,” he said, “something happened to me that has never happened in thirty years of ministry. I was fired today!”

That night, Laurie and Jim lay awake staring into the night, attempting to grasp the unreality of their situation. Surely, upon waking, they would discover that Jim’s dismissal was a huge mistake, a fleeting nightmare. However, the next morning, she found that the nightmare had indeed become their reality.

The couple’s loss seemed incalculable. Laurie sought ways to support and defend her spouse during this time of ultimate rejection. Gently embracing Jim, Laurie prayed, “Lord, help me not to hate the men who have so wounded my husband.” Having a positive response was Laurie’s desire, but the road to get there proved difficult.

Impossible Forgiveness

Scripture reveals that God’s will for us is to forgive our enemies—those individuals who have harmed us. In fact, Jesus instructs us to love our enemies and pray for our persecutors (see Matthew 5:44). He also teaches us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Laurie knew these truths, yet her husband stood before her so distressed, so betrayed! In those moments, pardoning the men responsible seemed an impossible task!

Many of us have people in our lives who, though they might not reach the level of an enemy, still make our lives difficult. Leaders especially, may deal with competitors, betrayers, thieves, and political assassins. Moreover, others really can make us sick. These individuals have injured us so profoundly or wounded us so deeply that just hearing their names or seeing their faces makes us physically ill.

Such attacks and losses take us on journeys through painful deserts of shattered dreams or cruel condemnations. In those times when our emotions and desires are difficult to control, we must recognize that we are in a fierce spiritual conflict. Even though we know and understand Jesus’ direction and admonition regarding forgiveness, we may still struggle with responding correctly. Our wounded hearts cry out in resistance and pain. We want revenge. We want justice. We don’t want any enemy to be “let off the hook.”

The Compassionate Father

Sadly, instead of drawing us closer, affliction can drive us further from Jesus, the Lover of our souls. However, that is never God’s intent. In The Kingdom of Love, Hannah Hurnard writes, “There is no prison house so cruel as the prison of resentment and self-pity, and the effect on those who languish long in that bondage is to suffer a progressively destructive influence on character, personality and physical health.”[i]

In our pain, we often sink into the quagmire of bitterness and anger toward our foes. The circumstances that drove us to this wilderness demand our attention; instead of concentrating on the Sovereign Lord who rules everything, however, we keep running in destructive circles. We may secretly contemplate the worst outcomes for our enemies or dream of methods to make them feel the same hurt they have inflicted upon us. We ponder, is there a way we could ruin their lives as they have ours? Sadly, such obsessive thoughts, even the silly or irrational ones, can steal our hope for peace and our chances for future success.

Furthermore, such routes don’t get us anywhere! Hate is never a path to peace. Instead, we must seek release from the prison of resentment. It’s important not to nurture our wounds but rather, allow the Lord’s healing balm of forgiveness and mercy to mend our aching souls.

The Real Enemy

Those who hurt us rarely understand the suffering they have caused. Proverbs 14:10 affirms this truth: “Each heart knows its own bitterness.” The process of moving forward can seem agonizingly slow. Some days, we may feel we will never reach the final destination that our souls long for—complete pardon for those who have wronged us.

The Spirit of God utilizes Scripture as a sword in our spiritual battles; we must wield that weapon to combat our soul’s enemy, Satan, that roaring lion who seeks to devour us (I Peter 5:8). There are days, however, when we may bring the same ensnaring thoughts to the Lord twenty or thirty times. One way to resist the evil thoughts that bombard us is to write Bible verses on 3x5 cards, then place them around the house to be memorized throughout the day. One helpful passage from 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 reminds us, “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high

thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (emphasis added).

The Costly Ointment

As we engage in this spiritual battle, those negative, destructive thoughts will eventually loosen their hold on our minds. With time and commitment, the truth can take root, transforming our thinking and changing our hearts.

As we struggle to bestow mercy on our enemies, we can pray daily for God to fill our wounded hearts with His Presence, His forgiving Spirit, His peace. Forgiveness symbolizes a costly ointment, a fragrant sacrifice to God. On the Cross, we have Christ’s personal example of forgiveness leading us to the path of mercy. We must find peace and release through pardoning the offender but also through the power and protection of the rock of our salvation, our fortress, and deliverer, the Lord Jesus Christ.

When we think of Jesus and the pain-filled task He undertook to forgive us, how can we not take up the comparably easy task of forgiving less serious offenses? Forgiveness is through grace and mercy, which is always the pathway to peace in our relationships. It is the road to freedom.

Next month’s blog will more thoroughly explore that healing path.

[i]Hannah Hurnard. Kingdom of Love. (Wheaton: Tyndale House), 83.