A Sufferer Looks at the 23rd Psalm

It is God to whom and with whom we travel, and while He is the

End of our journey, He is also at every stopping place.

Elisabeth Elliot

The Vulnerable Hour

“Oh, God, make it stop! I can’t take it anymore!” As my husband, Alan, cried out, I wept. Meniere’s disease, an inner ear condition, producing extreme vertigo and nausea, had completely debilitated him. During previous attacks, his symptoms had gradually subsided. However, this time proved different. The assaults intensified relentlessly. Lying face down in bed, he barely clung to control. The slightest movement sent him spiraling into severe, hours-long spinning episodes.

To witness my vibrant, capable husband, the leader, administrator, pastor, and consultant, rendered utterly helpless and brought to great depths of suffering left me heartbroken and afraid.

One evening, while lying near my tormented spouse, I pondered King David’s twenty-third Psalm. Days before Alan’s attack, the Psalm had provided vast comfort: “The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want.” But now I cried, “Lord, I do want! I want my husband’s health back; I want our calm, productive life back. I want deliverance from this misery where my husband writhes in anguish. I want. I want. I want!”

Soon, searching questions replaced my cries: “Lord, how can I want what You want for our lives? How do I accept suffering with its fears and unfilled desires?”

Lord, Help Me!

David spoke of peace and restoration: “He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.” For us, however, nothing felt still or calm or restored. Rather, apprehension, anxiety and distress threatened to overwhelm me.

The Psalmist spoke of courage and confidence: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.” Yet, all I felt was fear! What if this time, Alan never got better?

I cried out, “Lord, how does knowing that You are with me give help when I don’t feel Your Presence in this crisis?” My questions soon ran to complaint: “Lord, I feel You are not helping us!” Immediately, I felt guilt for admitting such thoughts. Mature Christians shouldn’t allow or verbalize such emotions, should they?

His Guiding Hand

Yes, mature Christians do encounter fear and distrust! As a long-time Jesus follower, I knew the answers to my questions even as I asked them. My feelings were not trustworthy! My choice remained clear: cling to the truth of God’s Word and rely on His loving heart even when His guiding hand seemed hidden.

I reread the Psalm searching for comforting truths behind those lines: “The LORD is

my Shepherd; I shall not want.” When we are in the midst of suffering, the last thing we need is a philosophical discourse. Our Creator understands that need; He

understands us. Yahweh is our Shepherd—a tender picture of our God, who guides, leads, protects, and defends the helpless. One pastor affirmed this truth, “When

things are going well, you look at circumstances. When not, you look to the Shepherd. He is with me on the deadly road.”

This Shepherd leads and restores my soul through His precious Word. Consequently, the many hours I’d spent in studying Scripture, hiding it in my heart, encouraged me. So when the testing time arose (as it surely does for everyone), the sword of the Spirit, the scriptures, defended me against the evil one’s onslaught of lies. Even when facing “the valley of the shadow of death,” I need not fear for

the Lord, who neither leaves nor forsakes, is with me.

Faith Over Fear

Still, foreboding washed over me. What might that valley hold for us? What dark shadows would we face? My mind went to the death of our dreams, hopes, and future. How could I step into that great unknown? Would it mean a living death where Alan would face permanent debilitation? Could that really be part of God’s plan?

At times, those dark thoughts led me to doubt God’s goodness. Even those who have walked with the Lord for many years are vulnerable in their hour of suffering. In the darkness of those nights, the Spirit of God led me to tearfully sing, “God is so good; God is so good; God is so good; He’s so good to me.” Psalm 136:1 affirms this wonderful truth, “Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.”

The truth of God’s goodness became a lifeline. I trusted that He was working on our behalf (Romans 8:28) even when little tangible evidence existed. Yet our family, friends, and church encouraged us with their love and prayers. In this way, the care of others along with our knowledge of the Lord and His Word assured us of His presence.

Scripture teaches that God is unfailingly good even though His will does not always feel good. It didn’t for Jesus as He “endured the cross, despising the pain.” He is the One who accompanies us into our dark valleys. Notice the Psalmist said we walk through those valleys. We don’t stay there. Whether healing comes here on earth or in heaven, our path is secure.

Trusting the Shepherd

Thankfully, after three long months, we found a doctor who helped Alan, bringing a slow, steady recovery. The Meniere’s gradually abated, although complete hearing loss in one ear and periodic vertigo remained. Our life eventually resumed its more normal, productive course.

Now, new sinister intruders of fear invaded my life. What if this “cure” was only temporary? Meneire’s could attack the other ear. Life could spin out of control again. The Spirit gently reminded me, “Do not worry about tomorrow, … Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34). I needed to trust Him for today, knowing He saw my tomorrows. His grace would be sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). Whatever we encountered, Jesus would never leave us to face it alone.

His Ever-Present Grace

The Psalmist ends with “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” Charles Spurgeon reminds us, “Goodness supplies our needs, and mercy blots out our sins.”[i]

Though our pathway may be threatened with enemies to our peace, we are encouraged, “Do not lose heart!” The image of our Shepherd will someday be complete, perfected in those who follow Him. Praise to Him will ring throughout eternity for the ever-present mercy and grace that was sufficient for every thorn He lovingly allowed us to endure.

With the twin blessings of goodness and mercy accompanying me, I can dwell in the presence of my Shepherd here on earth in the midst of all my trials. Some sweet day, I will dwell with Him in His house forever. What about you?

I delve more deeply into this problem and its solutions in my new book, The Private Side of Leadership.

[i]C.H. Spurgeon, The Treasury of David, Vol. I, (Passmore & Alabaster, Pasadena, TX, 1983), 402