Words that Hurt, Words that Bless

Written by Linda Pue and Paula Miller.

Last month’s blogpost, “Words Can Break Your Heart,” emphasized the power of our words as weapons to wound or as instruments of encouragement. It is amazing how our mouths, so vital to our existence, have such great capacity to change situations for good or for ill as Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth observes: “Words are powerful! They can encourage and strengthen others, heal wounded hearts, honor God, and bring Him great delight. Words can also be destructive. An unruly tongue can cause great pain and havoc, damaging lives and grieving the heart of God.”[1]

We know this truth from experience,

for we can easily recall the teacher

who graciously encouraged us as

well as the classmate who cruelly

mocked us. Amazingly, childhood

encouragements and insults remain

in our memories into old age.

Further, we can even allow other

people’s hurtful words to shape

our own self-image. The New

Testament writer James described

this double-edged power of the

tongue as a “restless evil.”  He observed, “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:8-10). Sadly, we use our mouths to praise our Lord while also cursing (condemning) our brothers and sisters who are made in God’s image. This “deadly poison” can easily destroy relationships. So what is the solution? How can we use our words to bless others rather than cause them harm?

Seek God’s wisdom.

Ancient Israel recognized that God was the source of all wisdom: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10). The wisdom literature of the Old Testament can help us understand and know God’s mind and heart. Through what is called “common grace,” all people can learn how to handle life situations wisely. However, God, through His Word, can give His followers true insight into life and the way the world functions because “His wisdom shines through the light of eternity.”[2]

Practice restraint.

Before speaking, we can wisely consider our words, rather than regretting them after they are expressed: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Proverbs 10:19). By seeking the Lord before answering, we keep our mouths from uttering wicked, hurtful words: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer” (Proverbs 15:29a).

Further, when facing a tense situation, we can surrender our need to win the argument or resist the urge to give a sarcastic insult: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). When we speak the truth with a gentle spirit, that show of love can calm a difficult situation. It may even restore a relationship or defuse a fight.

Be a blessing.

Words of encouragement spoken at the right moment lift the spirit like a beautiful painting. Well-spoken words have attractive, valuable qualities because thoughtfulness has fashioned them just as an artist takes pains to create a pleasing, attractive work:[3] “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). A kind word, a bit of encouragement, can contribute to the well-being of others: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). Truthful words spoken with tact are a great blessing that may have lasting benefits.  Why would we refuse to offer such a gift to others?

Like an oasis in the desert, so the words of a godly person offer a well of refreshment to parched souls: “The mouth of the righteous is a well of life” (Proverbs 10:11). One wise in heart feeds on wisdom and then shepherds and nourishes others: “The lips of the righteous feed many” (Proverbs 10:21).

Right speech begets right behavior.

When we seek God and practice restraint, when we stop our tongues even in times when we feel angry or wronged, our actions build character.  Such training leads to better ways of responding. Therefore, we should make it a practice never to speak against someone with spiteful intent and never to assault someone’s good name or reputation: “Slander no one, be peaceable and considerate, and always be gentle toward everyone” (Titus 3:2).

As godly women, we can exhibit patience and grace as an embodiment of the wisdom of God: “She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26).  We can trade negative responses for positive acts of obedience as Paul encouraged those in Ephesus: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). Instead of behaving like the unsaved (those described in the first half of the verse), we are to put on Christ, treating others as He has treated us, with kindness, a tender heart, and always with forgiveness. For forgiveness is a powerful key to unlock hardened hearts. It lets the sunshine of peace and contentment in.

Avoid hypocrisy.

We want our speech to match our commitment to Christ. That means we think before we speak, we assess our strong emotions before responding, and we pray for self-control and godly wisdom: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

Here is the means to avoid sin and instead to speak blessings: By treasuring, meditating on, and memorizing the Word of God, its truths will take root deep in our hearts. Then, when temptation comes, the Holy Spirit brings God’s Word to our minds so that we may, with joyful obedience, obey it and bring blessings to ourselves and others: “Thy Word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against You” (Psalm 119:11).

[1] DeMoss Wolgemuth, Nancy. The Power of Words: A Four Week Devotional Study, (Revive Our Hearts, (Niles, MI, 2003), back cover.

[2] Got Questions, thoughts taken from, What is Wisdom Literature?  https://www.gotquestions.org/wisdom- literature.html.

[3] Got Questions. What is the Benefit of a Word Fitly Spoken? Proverbs 25:11.

 https://www.gotquestions.org/word-fitly-spoken.html

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Paula Miller lives in California and enjoys spending time with her family. Music, reading books, and walking are some of her favorite activities. She has served as an English professor, teaching courses in writing and literature at Azusa Pacific University and Biola University.

Working as a freelance writer, she has published a number of literary articles in works such as Masterplots, Critical Survey of Short Fiction, Critical Survey of Poetry, and The Dictionary of Literary Biography. She is coeditor of a series of devotional books designed for university students that include Student to Student, Campus Voices, and The Campus Survival Guide.

During her husband’s career as an educational administrator and chief academic officer for several universities, Paula has supported his professional development, cheered and encouraged him in tough times, worked with him in outreach and instructional projects, and often enjoyed (but other times endured) many leadership adventures with him.

Teaching women’s Bible studies and encouraging others on their faith journey are important aspects of her current outreach and focus. She loves church, people, and good conversation.