Obedience to God-What Freedom!

By guest writer, Paula Miller.

Let’s face it, some people are irritating and thoughtless, so that tests our patience. Others act superior and show us up, so that stings our pride. How many times have we felt angry, wounded, or resentful because these bothersome types have slighted us, hurt our feelings, or insulted our intelligence? It never feels good to be put down, left out, or dismissed completely.

Shortcomings of Retribution

I regret the times when I responded negatively toward the individuals who inflicted those slights, hurts, and insults against me. My attempts to fight against personal attacks revealed my pettiness and lack of grace. My lame endeavors at retribution brought little satisfaction. In recollecting those moments, I wish I had been more merciful and circumspect rather than snide and haughty. Examining the motivation for my ill-conceived responses would have proved instructive as well.

What keeps us from wanting to forgive? Is it pride? Selfishness? A desire to triumph? When did canceling someone from our lives improve a situation? Always underneath lies a simmering, unresolved conflict that stunts our spiritual growth. The stories often told of family members estranged for decades are tragic tales rather than success stories. The same wrongs, whether ten or fifty years past, are recalled and renewed in an effort to keep the transgressions ever new, ever alive. This stockpile of negative memories serves as ammunition for these embittered warriors. To let bygone offenses go means getting rid of their arsenal of attack. Such individuals think forgiveness is a “win” for the offender and a “loss” for the forgiver. Consequently, for them, setting aside bitterness and resentment represents weakness. These relationships are marked by a scorecard of victories and defeats, where harmony, grace, and mercy have no place and reconciliation is never the goal. Instead, the offenders must perpetually pay for their misdeeds.

Requirements of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, however, is more than just ignoring an offense, giving up, or becoming a lifeless doormat for others to step on. It is taking our Christian responsibility seriously and showing Jesus' love to others, even antagonists. Such a position brings confidence, making us stronger rather than weaker because anger or hatred no longer weigh us down. We are practicing that great commandment: love your brother and sister.

Even though yielding to others leads us on a path to peace, we still resist. Our culture shouts that we can find self-fulfillment in other arenas, from social media influencing to entrepreneurship to body image enhancement. We’re told to follow our hearts, yet Jeremiah 17: 9-10 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind.” Without divine guidance, following our hearts can lead us down a dangerous path. As Proverbs warns, “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor” (29:23). Indeed, humility brings wisdom while pride brings disgrace (Proverbs 11:2).

Forgiveness requires us to abandon our pride and resentments, to overlook offenses, and to accept others with all their imperfections and misdemeanors. What we give up in offering forgiveness is a small price to pay compared to what we gain by its freedom and obedience to God. The gospels explain and illustrate forgiveness. When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, the petition included the request, “‘Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors’” (Matthew 6:12). Those debts are sins. It is a two-pronged obligation: to be forgiven presupposes a grateful willingness to forgive. Moreover, Paul exhorted the Colossians to treat others with compassion, and kindness: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (3:13).

Furthermore, there are biblical warnings about unforgiveness. Matthew records Jesus’ story about a king who threatened to sell one of his servants into slavery for unpaid debts. When the servant begged for mercy, the king graciously bestowed it, but then the same man failed to show mercy toward his own debtors. For his hypocrisy and unmerciful acts, the king sent the man to prison until his own debt was settled. Then Jesus warned, “‘This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart’” (Matthew 18:35).

In addition, unforgiveness, with its spiritual penalties, also brings detrimental physical effects. The bitterness and acrimony that result from an unforgiving heart can cause a person greater stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. In contrast, acts of forgiveness have not only spiritual profit but also physical and emotional benefits.

Benefits of Forgiveness

Studies show that individuals who forgive others have improved emotional health, fewer symptoms of depression, and a stronger immune system. By letting offenses go and bearing with the unlovable personalities in our spheres, we can rest in the knowledge that God is our defender. He fights for us: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge: I will repay,’ says the Lord. … Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:19-20).

How much better to take Paul’s advice as he encouraged the Ephesians, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you” (4:32). We will enjoy a more peaceful sleep, lower stress, and less angst if we let God be our defender and redeemer. So let’s close the books on those oft-rehearsed offenses from yesterday and greet tomorrow with a clean slate for those we have forgiven and for ourselves as well.

Linda delves more deeply into this problem and its solutions in her new book, The Private Side of Leadership. 

By guest writer, Paula Miller.

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Paula Miller lives in California and enjoys spending time with her family. Music, reading books, and walking are some of her favorite activities. She has served as an English professor, teaching courses in writing and literature at Azusa Pacific University and Biola University.

Working as a freelance writer, she has published a number of literary articles in works such as Masterplots, Critical Survey of Short Fiction, Critical Survey of Poetry, and The Dictionary of Literary Biography. She is coeditor of a series of devotional books designed for university students that include Student to Student, Campus Voices, and The Campus Survival Guide.

During her husband’s career as an educational administrator and chief academic officer for several universities, she has supported his professional development, cheered and encouraged him in tough times, worked with him in outreach and instructional projects, and often enjoyed (but other times endured) many leadership adventures with him.

Teaching women’s Bible studies and encouraging others on their faith journey are important aspects of her current outreach and focus. She loves church, people, and good conversation.